i hate that i did so much for you that you didn't deserve
i hate that i feel worthless because of you
i hate that after all this time i can't shake you from my head
i'd love nothing more than for you to die alone
with a needle in your arm
the sooner, the better

you were a bright light in my dark time
i want to share the light with you, too

//
i'm laying here, kind of losing my mind. missing him so much. feeling shut out, kicked aside, left behind, thrown away...

it comes in waves like this.

little girl lost

work in progress. just my silly sketching, but i kinda love her... so much that i don't want to do much around her to ruin her. and i still draw cats like i did when i was 5. might edit him out.

7.5.2009

try to love me- with all my flaws
have some faith in me
just a little push
and you'll see my soul shine
i'm stuck behind layers of scars
with a little attention i'd be good as new
and i'd make it worthwhile
because i can love like no other
and i never forget kindness shared
there's much more if you pull back my layers
so much i want to show and give the world
like a child i just need a hand to hold
get me started
i'll show you real love

transcends 7.7.09

you held me warm on the cold hard floor
moved your hands over my body, healing me from the outside in
your big arms around me, your hand tracing my own
you told me how much you care
you probably don't remember, but for me it meant the world
I need you in my life,
it will take time,
but my attachment to you transcends our lust

3.15.09

a fire i haven't seen in so long
the excitement slowly building
wrapped up with you i found comfort i didn't think i'd feel again
i'm surrounded by your little treasures
i always have a piece of you with me, to hold while i sleep
every time i challenge your heart you come back at me to prove my fear wrong
you've shown me that you're not here to use me or kick me around, like everyone before
even when i doubt you and throw your kindness back in your face
you catch me without knowing, as i knock myself down again
i've tried to stay cautious and keep my heart safe
and i never lose sight of all you have at stake

i know that when everything else fades away you care,
i feel it in your arms, your hands tracing my legs
in the words from your mouth and your eyes
you've changed me
my heart pieced back together

you're unsure and want to follow god's plan
and i'll never push you
just don't deny what we have